By baruk on July 8, 2010
the sky is cold
nibbling at my edgesthe earth is hardchewing at my feet
where is the seaall softand warmand final
where is the seaall softand warm?
Posted in poems | Tagged sea | 7 Responses
I like this a lot. Is this a new one? Your stuff is going sea-ward these days.
nice. cud the second stanza come at the last? thought so because 'final' would end the poem with a punch..
@roob: comes of living so near the sea i guess. it feels like it is constantly lapping at my dreams.@gauri: that is how it originally was, and it changed back. i felt the 'final' at the end was too predictable, and unnecessarily gloomy. also preferred the rhythm of having the extra syllables in the first bit, and not in the repetition. thanks for this kind of feedback, is what i need more of!
Kia ora feddabonn, I can sense the sea deep within you. The sea and the mountains are never too seperate from each other in this beautiful land. We need to keep it that way.Robb
predictable, gloomy, yes. agreed.. words and where you place them. these are the kind of little decisions that matter so much, no?
kia ora robb, quite true: the sea and mountains are never too far here!@gauri: so true!
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